When hemorrhoids flare up and dentures won't stay in place...

http://crawlingthroughmybrain.blogspot.com/

continued from To the Rescue.

Good God...someone let the old folks out again. I swear, if you get old and join a reading club or knitting club you should be put in a high security mental ward.
The fossilized farts had backed me up against a damn planter and one was grabbing himself and gnashing his fake teeth. No doubt in vain search of his package that has probably shriveled with age. If he keeps clacking his fake chompers, maybe the glue will seat them in one place. They obviously thought I was either a) wanting to bone their alzheimers riddles brains out or b) some sort of exotic pre-breakfast appetizer or c) all of the above. Needless to say, those thoughts repulsed me to no end.
When the crotch grabber advanced on me, to do God knows what, I kicked him in his shruken nuts. He dropped like the sack of old, rotting meat that he was. His ancient companions weren't about to stand for this, and as they advanced I caught a glimpse of the mad scientist busting out of the building like his ass was on fire. He rapidly went down as I felt the hands of death...er...rather the skeletal claws of an octegenarian reach me. A solid blow to the solar plexus and he went down. I looked at the last standing geezer and raised an eyebrow. Respect for the elderly: I have none.
He raised his cane with a menacing, toothless snarl. I looked at him, waiting for the blow. I assumed I could catch the cane, his strength cannot be greater than my own. Just as he was about to bring it down I heard a loud bang go off after the mad scientist starting yelling. Geez #3 was startled enough to abandon his efforts to club me like a baby seal and look at the noise. I was curious, yes, but I knew when to beat a hasty retreat. Old men are like crows. You wound one and in no time you will have the whole pack of 'em on you squawking and circling you. All the gods be with you if one remembered to bring his viagra. Shuddering at that thought I ducked and ran away from the cane wielding geez and hauled myself to a fire escape where I scrambled up it and bashed my way inside a building. The agility of a cat: I have it.  I work for the bakery, you have to have some awesome moves when you are putting out trays of fresh donuts when the 300+ pound crowd are watching your every move...or rather watching those donuts as of they are water in a desert. After crashing through the door SWAT team style I paused for a moment, wondering what the hell was going on out there.
I will give it a few moments, then I will peek out to see who brought the cannon. Maybe the Civil War reinactment people didn't want to miss out on the fun....damn...I need to see what is going on...