Colonel....Winkee....Whatever...

I heard more bellowing upstairs, but I refrained from poking more holes in my ceiling. In truth I more feared what kind of wildlife would fall from the holes in the ceiling as opposed to what the mad scientist would think about me.

Okay. That's not true. I didn't want him to dislike me. He seemed the only decent person here, even if he came in zombie form with his mumbled hellos to me. At least he hadn't groped me shouting "BRAINS!" (Yeah, you laugh, it happens to me at least once a week.)

I looked at the clock in the kitchen and sighed. I couldn't linger any longer if I wanted to. I do need to pay for this dump, even if it isn't the Ritz-Carlton. Tugging my watch into place I dig in my cupboard until I find what I need. It's way in the back, but it's clean. Lining the small basket with cloth napkins I fill it with muffins that I had made for my breakfast and subsequent other meals. I cover it with another cloth napkin.  After scribbling a note saying "Sorry about the thumping, practicing my ceiling tap dancing. From: Under-Woman" and tucking it into the basket I leave my apartment.

I hike up the flight of stairs which is directly across from his and my rooms and set the basket outside the door. I knock very sharply and loudly, then like a little kid I bolt to the stairwell and tug the door closed behind me and make my way down the stairs and out to my car.

I owe, I owe...off to work I go... and it's worse than being a slave to seven little men.

Continued Military Midget

http://crawlingthroughmybrain.blogspot.com/

I heard the toilet flush twice up there. What the hell?  Was he trying to flush a body down?  Or did his bladder hold the urine equivalent of an Olympic swimming pool and he was forced to flush twice lest he swim in his own piss? Those were the thoughts I was pondering before I heard the bellowing.
The oldest voice in the Universe with a sandpaper lined throat was bellowing. Was that his voice? The mad scientists? No, couldn't be. That guy muttered.
The dominant word from the sand paper king was Coffee. He didn't need coffee, he needed a few hundred throat lozenges. Hell, line his throat with vasoline, something is wrong with it. I shook my head and grabbed my broom, without realizing that the bellowing had stopped I gave the ceiling above me several good jabs. Well...maybe they will continue to stop bellowing now...guess I should have been more patient before I decided to joust with the crappy sheet rock job up there.
Sighing I refilled my own coffee cup then sat back down to listen.

Continued....

http://crawlingthroughmybrain.blogspot.com/?zx=fe4339d68d50f87f

My alarm had gone off an hour ago. I am showered, dressed and ready to leave for work when I hear the thumping upstairs. What's he doing up? He was never up this early, unless he's staggering off for his mid sleep pee. I dismiss big foot stomping around his apartment upstairs. That was almost normal behavior for the people that lived in this dive. No ability to walk like a normal human, everything is stomping around and yelling as many f-bombs as possible. Of course the big foot upstairs that pissed all the time didn't yell like a drunken sailor. That made him weird for this place. I think he's a mad scientist. That's the only excuse for how quiet he is...and probably therein lies the reason he has to pee all the time.
Yeah, the plumbing in this dump sucks, but it's cheap, the cockroaches obey simple commands and the pimps are afraid of sunlight. Can't beat that. I find myself listening, sounds like he's talking to someone up there...maybe he's mumbling to himself...hmm...I don't have to leave for work yet...

Absent minded

October 23, 1942-November 4, 2008

I had a rant, that pertained to something about something Michael Crichton wrote...but then while Googling for his picture (at work no less), my computer caught a nasty virus. So I T had to steal it and fix it...and then I forgot what the hell I was going to bitch about, so I have to put this picture up, if anything, because my computer fell ill while looking for it.

Holiday Shopping

"What the fuck is wrong with everyone today?"

I went out shopping today with my young daughter. We went to a large clothing store first. It was packed and against my better senses I went ahead and went in. I didn't find what I was looking for but I found a store full of idiots that were nothing short of just plain rude. No issues, I wasn't trying to purchase anything to deal with that, but, I noticed how rude people were being to each other and the only thought I had to that was "Tis the season."

Something about the Christmas season turns all shoppers into massive assholes. This is the season for being nice and giving and what do you have? Everyone that shops turns into a megajerk while out in public. No wonder kids are such assholes, look at their role models.

I left there to head to a large store that handles electronics and games. I browsed the gaming area with my daughter. The people there, teenagers included were infinitely more polite than anyone I came across in the clothing store. That struck me as odd. I made my purchases and left and as I drove out I had to wade through the traffic of a large (and popular) retail chain of stores, one person flipped me off because I didn't let them cut in front of me so they could hop lanes and get a nice parking spot. Huh. She was a fat pig that needs the exercise, so in the end perhaps I did her a favor.

The holidays are here, along with the asshole shoppers and they won't go away until all the New Years sales are over...

I will get my shopping done during the week so I won't have to see these people any longer. I think their behavior is ridiculous and adolescent.

What the fuck is wrong with people during the holidays?

Vocal driving

"The car is you...you are the car..."

There are many places that one can venture to if they really want to see just how stupid the average person is (go to the grocery store). While driving you encounter far too many.

You want to talk on your phone, fine. Play with your radio, fine. Mess with your iPod, fine. Pick your nose, fine. Just keep traffic moving. Don't stop in a place that you shouldn't stop. Like...a passing lane. I followed a forest green Buick. On the road we were travelling on there were a lot of left hand turns, hence a lot of passing lanes. Ahead of us was a truck with a trailer and ahead of that vehicle was a school bus. Both turning left. So, the Buick swings into the passing lane and me and the 20+ other cars behind me start following suit...until the stupid bitch locks up her breaks and stops right in the middle of the passing lane. I could see cars behind me veering onto the shoulder to prevent hitting the car in front of them. All the while I am cussing this idiot out in front of me. She wouldn't pass that school bus until it was turning. It DID NOT have it's stop arm out, it was perfectly legal to pass that school bus, but she wouldn't pass it.

I finally passed and and gave her the New York wave while shouting a few choice words at her. She looked at me like she had no idea what was going on. She was clueless. I wanted to rip her head off. She should have her license pulled, she almost caused a 20+ car pile up in good weather, I am Minnesota, and in a couple months this bitch will cause that 20+ car pile up and kill a bunch of people.

Then have no idea what happened.

What do you know?

"What were you sent to protect?"

I understand that not all information can be shared with everyone. My only issue with this is that when you ask about something you aren't supposed to know you are typically offered a stupid lie about it or you are nervously told "don't ask".  I prefer to say and have said to me. "Yeah, I know what is going on, but I can't tell you. When I can, I will."

If you have to lie make it sound intriguing like "According to the confidentiality agreement I signed I could be beaten to death by midgets with clubs if I tell you." Or. "Circus freaks will tie me up and dangle me over the lion pit if I tell you."

It irritates me that when (for the most part) people get a juicy tidbit of information that they know no one else should have they flaunt it. The "I know what is going on and you don't" attitude. How petty of a person are you if you act like that when you are trusted with information that, in the big picture, doesn't mean jack-shit.

If you know where warheads are, how to hack into government computers, and all the secrets of life on earth...then you can cop an attitude. You know some serious shit, you will probably get killed for knowing it. Have fun before you die. If you know petty shit, really, does anyone care?